college stuff

Every time my advisor calls me from Maine I feel my depression leave my body for the duration of the call.

A few days ago I found out I won a 15k scholarship per year I attend (which since im only getting the next level of my film degree Ill only be there 2 years (idk how minors work but im also minoring in art history so that might extend it idk). Still 30 grand I don’t have to pay back.

Ive never gotten one before and its a huge relief, and I didn’t know I was getting it and on top of the grants ive gotten as well I won’t owe as much back when I finish. Which is nice because the last 4 years has been a struggle with money and i was so afraid I might not be able to really sustain myself if I leave my current job here but The freelance job I got last July has held up well and paid really well and its really rewarding because im working with people I love.

I can leave now with this job because I can do it anywhere as long as PS is in my grasp (which it will be) so that’s a huge relief.

The only thing thats really messing with me is that I REALLY don’t want to come back here during breaks. But since im dorm living (and I applied for single living but I wont know until june if I got it) The campus kicks you out during holiday breaks and semester breaks.

I really don’t want to come back to this house. The last two or so years have been REALLY bad quality of life wise and I want out. Im hoping I find a good friend group or somehow can find someplace to live by myself or have these friends who wanna start a lease with me because I don’t want to come back here if I don’t have too.

(im hoping to study abroad in Italy at some point in the next 2 years which will be 6 months away and 6 months I don’t have to be here… haha but will see how $ is by then.)

But every time I think about maine, I just feel… better.

But Im still stuck HERE until the end of august and boi, do I still have some seriously awful days here.

but im looking forward to meeting new people, having a better community to be around, ect…

ive been keeping most of my stuff about maine on my private twitter just to try and keep me gushing about it randomly to a minimum but I figured Id throw some updates here and there. There are a lot of people here who have been really supportive and I can’t thank you enough.

Ive appreciated every kind message/commission/support through the years and am endlessly grateful.